I subscribe to this service that reminds me to send a letter to future me in a year. I’ve sent one in 2022, 2023, 2024, (not sure why I skipped 2025) and just wrote the one for 2026. I think this is a fascinating look throughout my journey as an artist-entrepreneur.

For context, I’ve attached Editor’s Notes (the Editor being current-day Bonnie) before each letter. I’ve listed the letters in reverse-chronological order, but if you want to follow my actual timeline I recommend scrolling down first to read them chronologically.

January 7th, 2026

I wrote this today. No notes.

Dear FutureMe,

Man, 2025 felt both like a tiny blip and 3 years long. Is this what getting older feels like? So much has changed within me yet so much has stayed the same. 2025 was the first year that I actually felt at peace with my money situation. Yes, there is still the need to earn income soon, but it was the first time that I felt okay with getting a day job again. I also felt okay with not getting a day job, and just being open to letting whatever money opportunity that wants to show up, show up. It’s the first year since quitting my Google job that felt like I wasn’t forcing anything. I wasn’t putting all my hopes and dreams onto my art business. I’m letting my art be a hobby again, while still challenging myself to share it in whatever form it wants to take and feels most aligned. But I’m not forcing my art to be a business anymore. I just want an outlet to scratch my creative itches, to have a truly and profoundly aligned channel to exercise my creativity. To talk to god through my art again. In a video of Lissa Hunter, I’m reminded of what art really is: art is about life, experience, non-verbal communication, saying things that help you make sense of your own life. It’s your ideas, put forth in a form that others can engage in. I don’t care how they engage in it, or how many people engage in it. I just want to say what my insides need me to say, and give others the opportunity to engage in it, whether they ever do or not.

2025 has been an interesting year. It came with so many incredible blessings as well as so much growth lessons. We got Bowser, we moved apartments again. Built a whole new life in Forest Hills. I became a dog mom, someone responsible for the life of a whole being. At the same time, I still changed my business model a few times, even after coming to peace with my art in 2024. My mom got sick. And I’m still unraveling. But I’m finding myself more and more, for sure.

In 2026, I hope for stability. For the first time, I’m not afraid to admit it, and I’m not afraid of being trapped by it. I don’t hope for the kind of stability that imprisons me, like Google did. Nor do I hope for the silver bullet kind of stability that only comes with my art business finally “making it”. I hope for the kind of stability that sustains me, my lifestyle and my creative energy, despite knowing that it’s not a perfect solution and it will require making some sacrifices. I hope for stability in finding a job or gig that doesn’t drain me or trap me, that will require me to give up some of my freedom and time, sure, but will ultimately leave enough to sustain my creativity while allowing me to free it from the pressure of making money.

Love,
Bonnie

January 4th, 2024

This seems to be the point when I started to understand the flow of life, the push and pull between ease and effort, though I was still struggling to find that balance. I was re-evaluating my approach to artist-entrepreneurship after realizing that I wasn’t being entirely authentic in the art I was producing. I was discovering some art forms that genuinely lit me up, but I was still driven by the desire to find “the one” creative pursuit for me (spoiler: it doesn’t exist).

Dear FutureMe,

I don’t say this lightly: 2024 is going to be your best year. It’s funny because last year I was optimistic about 2023, but so much has shifted since then. 2023 wasn’t really the year that I flew, it was more stepping back and reevaluating the life I actually wanted to live.

Last year I finally dove in and worked with with all coaches I admire: Stephanie, Emily, Simone. It was really the slowest I’ve ever allowed myself to go. This is what it meant to rest, to soak in the void, to create empty space. It’s actually nourishing and invigorating, not boring and lethargic. I literally stopped everything — I stopped painting, stopped selling, stopped exercising, stopped posting. And it was really what I needed. For a while I just did life things: travel, Burning Man, Oakland, visit Toronto, eat good food, spend time with family, apartment hunt. After that while I kinda got sick of it though, and I started to feel a genuine curiosity towards things that I wouldn’t have pursued like glass, neon, and typography.

All that genuinely free exploration ended up leading to the clarity that I was so desperately hungering for. It’s funny how the universe works — the harder you pine for it the more it evades you, but let go of your grip and it’ll appear in your hand. This year I’m looking forward to honing the fruits of my explorations: type design, neon glassbending, and creating artwork that combines all of my passions. Also, I’m excited to finally be getting back into to dance and pole. It won’t look anything like my practice in the past, it’ll be much slower, much more driven by the state of my body, much more ease. Again, the looser the grip, the better the manifestation.

Future Bonnie, you’re doing okay. You’re going at exactly the pace you should be going, and you deserve your fullest trust. Remember that life is for living and that you already have the answers you’re looking for. You are enough.

Love,
Bonnie

January 4th, 2023

2022 was a year of intense healing and self discovery. I was exploring many modalities of healing like manifestation and breathwork, and systems of spirituality like Human Design and astrology. There was a whole world outside of my tech job and STEM-focused echo chamber that I was just starting to discover. I was shocked at how deeply indoctrincated I had been within capitalistic systems, and was just starting to untangle those threads. My deep wounds with money scarcity have surfaced at full force, given my unemployment.

Dear FutureMe,

Hey Bonnie! I’m writing this from Bali right now. Honestly what a whirlwind of a year 2022 has been. This is the first time I allow myself to admit it, but I guess I’ve quantum leaped so many times I don’t even know where to begin. I went on medical leave, figured out a lot of stuff in Oaxaca, quit my job in August, discovered how the universe works from multiple gurus who say same thing in different ways, and went hard on my art career. 2022 was spent mostly learning to allow myself to flow, and I fought so much resistance on this. This is how much we’ve been indoctrinated with masculine, go-getter energy. It’s still a work in progress, but every day I’m allowing myself to have feminine, flowing receptive energy. Ease is the name of the game. 2020 was upheaval, 2021 was recovery, 2022 was true metamorphosis. 2023 is the year I fly. This is the year of expansion. This is the year I blow up, I just know it. My splenic authority tells me so. I will have to slow down to speed up. I can’t force it.

I’m grateful every day for all my friendships and relationships. I’m finally in a place where the relationships in my life no longer cause me distress or suffering. My attachment to others is healthy and secure. Even when we have conflicts (which is not rare), I feel a peace, which is something I cannot say for previous years. I am secure and know without a doubt that I and my relationships will be safe, and there is no misguided desperation.

I’m still working on having this secure attachment with money. I know it requires trust, surrender, and flow. Universe, I hand myself over to you.

Love, Bonnie

January 3rd, 2022

This letter was written a month before I took a mental health leave of absence from my career/job of 6 years, as a software engineer at Google. I resigned once my mental health leave ended later that year, and have not been employed since.

At the time, I was still subscribed to the capitalist ideas of “consistency”, of setting goals for the year, and of categorically optimizing my life in general. It’s interesting to read my past (employed) self confirm my dissatisfaction with work, and a constant longing to do something more fulfilling.

Dear FutureMe,

Hey Bonnie. I’m sitting in my cozy little Brooklyn apartment right now. Kyle is asleep in the bedroom. Tomorrow will be the first Monday of 2022. I feel tired because my sleep hasn’t been that great for the past few months, but I feel content. 2021 has been really good to me, especially considering the disaster that was 2020. I feel like I’ve found myself again, after the upheaval of the pandemic. 2020 was eye-opening, and 2021 was recovery.

This is not to say that everything is in its place. I still don’t know what to do about work. I want to find a way to make it work so that I don’t resent spending 40 hours a week doing something that I didn’t enjoy doing. I like aspects of work, but I continue to wonder if that time can be better spent. I want to stop wondering. I want to know that work is aligned with my life, whether that be working less and loving the fact that it pays my bills, or finding something to work on that I feel proud to spend so much of my life doing.

But in 2021, I went slower. And became okay with going slower. I tried a bunch of new hobbies as always, but I have one that I really love and I have a plan on how to make sure it stays something I really love. I splurged a lot on lingerie but less than 2020, and I looked at my finances. I signed up for a fitness program that works for me, most of the time. I’m developing something really beautiful with Kyle, and with my girls. I feel mostly at peace in a way that I definitely did not in 2020, and have never felt. I feel like I’m growing and understanding the world better. It is okay to go slow. I’m learning to appreciate the present instead of chasing all the time. I’m learning that the biggest indulgence is the indulgence of time, of allowing myself to relax and be unproductive. To watch TV, to eat good food, to have sex, to just be.

In 2022, the things I want the absolute most are
– figuring out a work situation that aligns with my life
– consistency in drawing, consistency in working out, consistency in producing high quality work, consistency in spending time with my friends and Kyle, consistency in everything
– rediscover my love for dance and let my love for drawing blossom even more

In 2022, the things I will stop doing are
– sleeping late
– beating myself up for tripping up on my consistency goals
– constantly chasing

I am grateful for life and all the lessons that come along with it. I’m grateful for Kyle, my girls, ADHD meds, our trip to Hawaii, Lori-Ann being here, Luna moving here, the hard conversations I’ve had, the Broadway shows I’ve watched, weed, my green card progress, the UXE role, No Meetings Fridays, Minerva’s Drawing Studio, Jazbel’s support, the lingerie community, trip to Toronto, hot girl summer outfits, the office being reopened, the trips upstate, my financial independence. I’m eternally grateful for the peace I’ve found in 2021, for the family that I’ve built, and for new loves I’ve discovered.

Love always,
Bonnie